MIND-FART #11

Coping. That's what I do each day that it's the only constant thing in my mind (and maybe food, too?). Even when I'm doing something which requires my physical and mental strengths, it's still there, at the back of my mind, looking out for an opening just so it can slap me in the face. I can't even remember what the past looks like, nor can I think of the future, because I can barely cope up with the "now".

I don't know if I should feel happy or sad about this.

MIND-FART #10

I was in close contact with my feelings. Well, I thought I was, at the very least. Was.

I lost them.

On Past and Present Happiness

Last Friday, while we're having one of our random pig-outs after work, my training mates and I touched on the topic happiness. The main question that night over french fries and affogatos was: "Are you happy where you are right now?"

It's a simple question in the context that it can be answered with a yes or a no. But beneath it lies more complicated and mind-boggling questions most people can't readily answer, myself included. The three of us answered variations of "maybe", "somehow" and "I don't know." It concluded with wishing that may we know what we're looking for to make us say that we're happy, no ifs and buts and just let time run its course.

Today, as I was reading a few pages of Gretchen Rubin's The Happiness Project,  I am presented with this: 

"What did you like to do when you were a child? What you enjoyed as a ten-year-old is probably something you'd enjoy now."

Tracing back to my ten-year-old self. All I remember was that I liked playing a lot like most kids. I usually play teacher-teacheran, complete with kiddie blackboard and colored chalks; my cousins being the students and I, the teacher. Now, I am a language teacher. So it got me thinking- is this what really makes me happy? Will I grow old doing this? Will it give me life satisfaction? I think it's for me to know and find out. Or maybe I'll never find out. But same old, I'll live my life the best way I know how.

MIND-FART#9

I constantly feel like time is running out before my eyes. Some days I can keep up; most days, I'm sweating and panting like a dog.

I need to have a wristwatch. So that I can be a dog with, well, a wristwatch.