MIND-FART #2

I feel the salty waves come in, I feel them crash against my skin. And I smile as I respire because I know they'll never win.

These lines from Panic at the Disco!'s New Perspective never fail to lift my tired and tattered spirit up.

I won't let the waves win. 

They'll never win.

Here Comes the Sun

Yesterday, it was exceptionally hot outside; the light's creeping through my window. If I were my normal self, I would've shut the blinds. I unlocked the sliding glass leaving the screen part of the window instead, letting the little breeze and the sunlight in. I was happy. The sun made me happy.

Later that afternoon, an old friend came over. We've known each other since he was seven and I was six.  He was my grade one classmate and through the years, we've became friends. You know, that comfortable friend, unlike the ones we get in Facebook. When he stepped into the room, the first words he uttered were  Andito ka lang? Di ka ba naiinip dito? and I answered him with a no and a laugh. I was perfectly fine with this kind of set-up: my laptop, my bed, some chips and me.

I'm too preoccupied with my own world these days, building walls whenever necessary cos I felt the need to do just like that. It's not that I'm scared or whatever. I just don't want any complications right now. Why complicate things if it can be simple as ABC, right? However, it dawned on me that I also need to let others in from time to time; may it be a thing, a person, a place, an experience. 

Maybe it'll make me happier, just like the sun.

P.S. My hair's getting longerrr! Yay! :)

A Talk With My Thirty-Year-Old Self

Hello, Alyssa. How have you been? Hmm. From the looks of it, I guess you're living a good life. I'm so happy for you. You now have what you needed and wanted back when you're little. Annual travels, a  yellow Cayman Porsche, a stable and interesting career, a happy home with a caring husband and adorable kids, Athena  Margarita and Brent Miguel. Wow, you're really serious when you wrote your future kids' names in your Psychology 1 project in college.

This Adobo is delicious. And the Red Velvet? Fantastic. So you're into cooking and baking now? That's great! Finally, you've conquered your fear of hot cooking oil spatters and sharp knives. You sure changed a lot; your black wavy locks became brown with curly bottoms, your jeans and shirt combo became pencil-cut skirt and blazer, your Keds became Charles and Keith. But your eyes, they haven't changed at all; they're still the pair of brown eyes, sparkling and full of life. And another thing that didn't change about you? You still love starting your day with a hot cup of coffee.

How's Mama? Papa? Ina and Ama? Masato? Ah, the old folks are living with you, I see. They're helping out on taking care of the kids. Masato is working and just got his own place in the city? Wow that punk really made it big. You became a good sister, Alyssa. I'm proud of you two sticking together during difficult days. Who knew you'd be that close as siblings? Back when you were both little, everyday is World War II at Desta, wrestling and shouting here and there. Haha those were the days.

Alyssa, you've been strong. Thank you for not giving up when things were tough. Thank you for not escaping when you thought you've had enough. Thank you for paddling when the waves were big. I know things weren't easy, but you endured all of it. Thank you for loving and trusting someone again despite having your heart shattered into pieces during college. Haha yes I still remember your very worn-out phase back then. You drank alcohol almost every day, partied almost every week, cursed the world and the people who made you feel that way. Sorry for that. I shouldn't have let you. But you got up and picked up your shit together. Yes, it took much of your time then, but it's worth it now right? You see, meeting the wrong people leads us closer to the right one. So now you have him, don't ever let him go. Cherish the life you're building together. He's not like those numerous heartless sonovabitches you've met before. And also, thank you for valuing your family like they're the most important in your life and not being jaded by the material things this world is full of. I hope you'll stay that way.

Alyssa, you're amazing. I just thought you should know. :)

Lights Changing Colour

Tadaima!

I'm back in my room-slash-own-world from my Los Banos visit. I must be really happy during my two days and one night stay there (though I often deny and say I don't even miss the place haha) that I can immensely feel today's dullness. 

These days, I associate myself with Flower Boy Next Door's Go Dok Mi, a twenty-ish woman who finds complete solace in the walls of her apartment just by herself. I kind of figured out how get by the days alone, thanks to our speedy internet connection and Asian dramas. However, there are times, often when I'm trying to get myself to sleep, that my mind presents me this dilemma: Should I enjoy my remaining months here in the country and go out as often as I can with my friends or just stay at home and spend time with my grandparents and a nanny? The latter would save me money and spare me a bit from sadness in parting when the time comes, I think. Ahh, I don't know. I must solve this soon.

For the time being, hello, Stars and old school pancakes with sugar and milk.