MIND FART #16: Four Years

Four years... yes, it has been four years since I was out in the open, the real world, they say. It's as if the years prior were nothing but a good old inside joke that you only remember when you are old and gray, sitting on a rocking chair, reminiscing. But I guess it was a big joke for real (for me) because as cliche as it may sound, the thought of having my previously easier and more comfortable situation back is every inch tempting.

Who wouldn't wish to be back in a very comfortable situation of not being required to "adult", 24/7? Think, no rent/pension/health insurance bills and taxes to pay. Oh, I'd definitely want to be back in the time when I wouldn't need to think of everything all at once but my coming exams and requirements (plus college drama and the in between, which mind you, were difficult times, too but at least not as difficult as the present haha), the next frat/soro party I would attend, my stubborn Physiology group mate, or even ways of getting over an unrequited love and picking up the pieces of a shattered heart. 笑 笑 

Who would wish to be a robot in a sea of robots streaming in and out of the train station, rushing, always rushing, wanting to slow down but cannot slow down because of the fear of being stepped on or ran over by that very sea?

But you know what, I think it's good. This is good. This is okay. I am okay.

Sure, where I am now is different from where I used to be, place- and time-wise, but it's okay. Because this is where growth is. I am growing. Uhhh well, I'd like to think that way. 

And you, too. Even if you think you're going nowhere and you think you haven't had your life figured out yet (like me), it's okay. No one has, anyway. 

As long as you're living the life you've been given, and you continue to thrive how harsh the conditions may be, I think you're fine. We're fine.

And since this post started mainly because of me seeing a Facebook memory from my university graduation back in the Philippines, here are snippets I've unearthed from my college folder. Reminisce with me. ❀

Hope you got something from this post and enjoyed it as much as I enjoyed writing and reminiscing, on my train to work! ♥

MIND FART #15: A Strawberry Shortcake Realization

I don't really eat cakes unless it's my or someone's birthday... or if I go to a cafe and the only options I have to ease my grumbling tummy are cakes and the like. Last Monday, I've had strawberry shortcake for breakfast, sakura cheesecake for afternoon snack, and strawberry shortcake with pistachio cream filling for dessert after dinner. Am I turning into a cake monster? Ha.

But I didn't just write this entry to let you guys know what cakes I ate some days prior to this post or what my recent favorite cake is which obviously is strawberry shortcake haha. It's just that while I was gloriously enjoying every bite of my third cake (of the day) while contemplating on random things happening in my life lately, there was a sudden snap and a thought came to me:

Destruction is beautiful.

Destruction is beautiful, too. How odd it was to think that way while eating strawberry shortcake? A little odd? Very odd? 

As for someone like me who likes taking photos of almost every thing intact and perfect before I literally put my hands on it (or maybe "terrorize" is a more apt term), food, trinkets, and whatnot, I was caught off-guard. Maybe it was the sugar rush from the cakes I ate or something, but it was a relatively new idea for my system that I am willing to accept.

It was this point that abovementioned realization came to me. Good thing I took a photo of the cake before I "terrorize" it haha

Do you see what I mean now?

No? Oh well, even if you don't, please do yourself a favour and bear in mind that destruction isn't always synonymous to ugly or something lesser than beautiful. It can also mean beautiful... like the strawberry shortcake... like the almost-empty plate above. 

So, no matter how broken or devastated you feel right now, it doesn't and it won't make you less beautiful. You are "beautiful in your own broken way", as the cliche saying goes. 

And you know what? There's more. If ever you decide to be whole again, if ever you want to be whole again, you can, too. Do so, be so, by all means ー just like the kintsukuroi /きんつくろい pieces that were once broken but are still or better yet more beautiful when reconstructed, regardless of the presence of the marks they previously had.

Remember, you are and you will still be beautiful, with or without battle scars, darling. ♡

MIND-FART#9

I constantly feel like time is running out before my eyes. Some days I can keep up; most days, I'm sweating and panting like a dog.

I need to have a wristwatch. So that I can be a dog with, well, a wristwatch.