MIND-FART#18: Mid-week Irony

Coming to Japan, I'd say I ~gradually~ became more courageous in terms of letting my feelings out. I'm not talking about my daily rants on Twitter but you know, the real deal. Maybe the lack of Japanese speaking abilities from my side was and still is the reason for it; I tend to express what I feel right then and there because they can't understand me- my facial expressions well maybe yeah, but the curses I'm sending their way, not really. 

How ironic, taking comfort from the fact that they won't be able to nor try to understand me when all I ever wanted was to be understood. 

Well, maybe I really don't.

Happy mid-week! Hope you're hangin' in there just fine!♡

MIND FART #13

One day you're fine, and then you're not.

Sometimes you can't help but just look at everything blankly and sigh.

If only I could frame or laminate moments of utter joy and bliss just to make it last longer, I would. 

[I took this photo during my visit to Sony Showroom in Ginza.]

Love and happiness to you,

The Pseudo-amnesiac

MIND FART #12

I'm so ecstatic to tell you guys that finally, I'm on a proper work break!!! By proper, I mean paid leave and me not contracting influenza A, pneumonia or any sickness for that matter except from mild colds! *fingers crossed* But yeah, I'm feeling like I'm walking on sunshine, whoa oh~

*confetti*

This just means two things: (1) I'll be having ample time to sleep; and (2) I'll be having lots of chances to catch up on my long-abandoned hobbies and other thingamajigs I've acquired for the past year (which are left unused still)!

So pumped up for what the next days will bring me! I hope I really get to be productive this time! My 2-week project is still brewing but I'll be posting about it here soon, so watch out! :)

Wish me luck!

♥,

The Pseudo-amnesiac

P.S. I kinda missed writing non-themed and random posts like this! More to come in my Mind Fart series! *kisses*

Beautiful Strangers

During my flight to Tokyo last summer, I met Rina (if I remember it right); she occupied the seat on my right. She's working in a cruise ship in Venice and she's on her way there. I even became her watchman when she slid the airline's pillow into her bag. Haha crazy, I know.

Then when I was in Tokyo Tower, I met a fellow Filipino who's touring with his American bosses. He said they're in Tokyo for a seminar and that day was their free day.

When I was at the boarding gate for my flight back to Manila, I met a twenty-something Filipina in black, whose reason for filing a leave in her school in California was her father's death. I was dumbstruck. I can't find the right words to say, so I just gave her my condolences. She even told me, "See you na lang, whenever. Enjoy your flight." with a smile cos we needed to part ways for our seats were far from each other. 

During the flight, I had a forty-plus woman for a seatmate. She was from Canada and she said the airport where she came from was very cool. We had a little chat while eating the complimentary ice cream from JAL; she was like my mother in the plane haha. And she was amazed that I was a college undergrad then; she thought I was a brave high school student who's travelling all by herself.

A typical Monday afternoon, I was travelling to Los Banos cos my classes for that certain semester don't start until Tuesday. I had a seatmate and he started telling me stories when he was still studying in UP Diliman. We even talked about frats. He had one at law school.

Sometime in November last year, I was walking along Greenbelt 3 on my way to my Jap school when my sandals broke. The guard from Hermes was kind enough to let me sit on his post. He even helped me fix my sandals, it didn't made it, though. A classmate from the same Jap school whom I barely knew then ( I just got her number the other day), fetch me with a pair of Hello Kitty slippers in hand she bought at Ministop cos it's only minutes before nine in the morning and the malls were still closed.

And last Monday I met new strangers courtesy of my friends from Jap school. But now they're strangers no more. We're even Facebook friends now after sharing a sumptuous lunch at Mesa and coffee at CBTL haha! Hello ex-strangers! :)

I may have no luck with boys, but I got lotsa luck when it comes to strangers coming my way. May the good heavens continuously bless my path with them beautiful strangers. :)

Here Comes the Sun

Yesterday, it was exceptionally hot outside; the light's creeping through my window. If I were my normal self, I would've shut the blinds. I unlocked the sliding glass leaving the screen part of the window instead, letting the little breeze and the sunlight in. I was happy. The sun made me happy.

Later that afternoon, an old friend came over. We've known each other since he was seven and I was six.  He was my grade one classmate and through the years, we've became friends. You know, that comfortable friend, unlike the ones we get in Facebook. When he stepped into the room, the first words he uttered were  Andito ka lang? Di ka ba naiinip dito? and I answered him with a no and a laugh. I was perfectly fine with this kind of set-up: my laptop, my bed, some chips and me.

I'm too preoccupied with my own world these days, building walls whenever necessary cos I felt the need to do just like that. It's not that I'm scared or whatever. I just don't want any complications right now. Why complicate things if it can be simple as ABC, right? However, it dawned on me that I also need to let others in from time to time; may it be a thing, a person, a place, an experience. 

Maybe it'll make me happier, just like the sun.

P.S. My hair's getting longerrr! Yay! :)

A Talk With My Thirty-Year-Old Self

Hello, Alyssa. How have you been? Hmm. From the looks of it, I guess you're living a good life. I'm so happy for you. You now have what you needed and wanted back when you're little. Annual travels, a  yellow Cayman Porsche, a stable and interesting career, a happy home with a caring husband and adorable kids, Athena  Margarita and Brent Miguel. Wow, you're really serious when you wrote your future kids' names in your Psychology 1 project in college.

This Adobo is delicious. And the Red Velvet? Fantastic. So you're into cooking and baking now? That's great! Finally, you've conquered your fear of hot cooking oil spatters and sharp knives. You sure changed a lot; your black wavy locks became brown with curly bottoms, your jeans and shirt combo became pencil-cut skirt and blazer, your Keds became Charles and Keith. But your eyes, they haven't changed at all; they're still the pair of brown eyes, sparkling and full of life. And another thing that didn't change about you? You still love starting your day with a hot cup of coffee.

How's Mama? Papa? Ina and Ama? Masato? Ah, the old folks are living with you, I see. They're helping out on taking care of the kids. Masato is working and just got his own place in the city? Wow that punk really made it big. You became a good sister, Alyssa. I'm proud of you two sticking together during difficult days. Who knew you'd be that close as siblings? Back when you were both little, everyday is World War II at Desta, wrestling and shouting here and there. Haha those were the days.

Alyssa, you've been strong. Thank you for not giving up when things were tough. Thank you for not escaping when you thought you've had enough. Thank you for paddling when the waves were big. I know things weren't easy, but you endured all of it. Thank you for loving and trusting someone again despite having your heart shattered into pieces during college. Haha yes I still remember your very worn-out phase back then. You drank alcohol almost every day, partied almost every week, cursed the world and the people who made you feel that way. Sorry for that. I shouldn't have let you. But you got up and picked up your shit together. Yes, it took much of your time then, but it's worth it now right? You see, meeting the wrong people leads us closer to the right one. So now you have him, don't ever let him go. Cherish the life you're building together. He's not like those numerous heartless sonovabitches you've met before. And also, thank you for valuing your family like they're the most important in your life and not being jaded by the material things this world is full of. I hope you'll stay that way.

Alyssa, you're amazing. I just thought you should know. :)

The Frenemy (Part 1)

I stumbled upon this site and decided that since I'm not doing anything productive these past few days, I might as well have some decent conversation with this frenemy in my head; frenemy cos at times it's very convenient to have it around, however sometimes it's a pain in the a** trap.

• How old would you be if you didn't know how old you are? The way that I'm acting right now, maybe I'm nearing 18. A girl in a small town with big dreams wanting to be a woman in every sense of the word. Very thirsty for but quite unsure of life.

• Which is worse, failing or never trying? Never trying, I guess? Though failure is a real bitch, it  anchors my feet on the ground. Failing at times gains you more, like, wanting to do good for something, challenging yourself, that sort of stuff. Never trying means I'm accepting defeat without a goddamn fight.

• If life is so short, why do we do so many things we don’t like and like so many things we don’t do? Experience. How can we know we don't like a thing if we haven't even tried it yet, right? And as for me, I wanna experience everything this world has to offer. So I'm not complaining whether life is short, I just have to savor everything and do all I can with the time given to me.

• What is the one thing you’d most like to change about the world? People's hearts. If we could all be more compassionate, maybe this world would be a happier place to be in.

• If happiness was the national currency, what kind of work would make you rich? Making others rich, too.

• Are you doing what you believe in, or are you settling for what you are doing? Honestly, now, I'm settling for what I'm doing cos I don't have quite a choice. But one day, when I've gathered all I need and can confidently say I can, I will.

• If the average human life span was 40 years, how would you live your life differently? I would bluntly express my love for my family and those dear to me. Cos right now, I'm not that vocal. And I would hold on to that one person that would make my knees weak and my heart flutter. After having my heart broken years ago, I always thought that love can wait, that I must steer away from the love path for the mean time and focus on what needs to be done for myself and my family. If the average human life span's 40 years, I would marry early and have a good life with my husband, children and grand kids. :)

• To what degree have you actually controlled the course your life has taken? Most of the time I'm out of control but I'm coping.

• Are you more worried about doing things right, or doing the right things? Doing the right things.

• You’re having lunch with three people you respect and admire.  They all start criticizing a close friend of yours, not knowing she is your friend.  The criticism is distasteful and unjustified.  What do you do? I wouldn't respect and admire them in the first place if their mouths are full of criticisms. I would say something that I think I must say.

• If you could offer a newborn child only one piece of advice, what would it be? Stumble and fall, but always get up.

• Would you break the law to save a loved one? Yes.

• Have you ever seen insanity where you later saw creativity? Yes. I am a walking example. Ha ha!
• What’s something you know you do differently than most people? Think?

• How come the things that make you happy don’t make everyone happy? We are all entitled to our own happiness. And I respect that.

• What one thing have you not done that you really want to do?  What’s holding you back? Helmet-diving, as of the time being, cos I have this fear of closed spaces.

• Are you holding onto something you need to let go of? Yes, memories. End of story.

• If you had to move to a state or country besides the one you currently live in, where would you move and why? Paris. It's full of charm.

• Do you push the elevator button more than once?  Do you really believe it makes the elevator faster? No. And no.

• Would you rather be a worried genius or a joyful simpleton? Joyful simpleton, enough said.
• Why are you, you? I eat Indian mangoes with fish sauce with sugar. 

• Have you been the kind of friend you want as a friend? Yes, at times and I'm trying to be that kind all the time however resources don't permit at times.

• Which is worse, when a good friend moves away, or losing touch with a good friend who lives right near you? Losing touch with a good friend who's just a step away.

• What are you most grateful for? The chance to live.

Photo from I Can Read's Tumblr.

I've read somewhere that asking the right questions at times, is the answer. But it's always up to us, anyway. Oh whatever. XX

Some Good News

I woke up the earliest (in a month) today with no help from any alarm clock at all! Yay! Maybe the bad dream's to be blamed, eh? I was feeling a bit uneasy when I woke up but it faded away when I saw these:

Taho! It's been ages since I've eaten one! Behind it is my mushroom ketai holder. :)

After  about two weeks, I received the CN Blue package I ordered online. Joining a fan base is on my bucket list and it feels great to cross one out of the list! If you're constantly reading my blog, you know then that I'm a true blue CN Blue fan. And my bias is Yong Hwa. <3

My bedroom window

Also, I've learned that my mother's check-up results turned out good. The lump on her breast is non-cancerous/benign and I'm really, really thankful. It's been dreading my family and I for a while now and I'm just glad my mother's okay. She needs to undergo an operation to remove the lump so I don't think she can make it to my college graduation in April as planned, though. But it's alright. So to everyone who prayed for my mother, a big thanks from the bottom of my heart! ♥

Of Fathers and Letters

You can never have it all, they say. And I believed them. Not because I'm gullible but because I know I don't. I may have normal kids my age don't possess and I'm really thankful for that, however, I don't have what normal kids have.. a father, in my own definition of it.

Don't be confused. I have a father. Yet I don't have one. And I'm not used to having him around. Maybe proximity is to be blamed. And language barrier, too. He needs to work far away, yes, I get it. But at times, I'm still a daughter who wants to feel she is secured, protected and loved by her father, just how most fathers normally do.

Then I stumbled upon this letter on my news feed. It was Jess Robredo's letter to his four-year old Aika in 1992.

All I can say is that I really envy Aika. But if my father can't do this kind of thing, well then I'll be the one to do it. :-)

The Two of Us

It's been ages since I have written poems. Honestly, I don't even remember which I wrote the last haha. So for the mean time, while I'm still trying to figure out how to replenish my almost-drained creative juices, indulge in this poem entitled The Two of Us by Kotaro Takamura. And if just in case you're reading this future boyfriend, I dedicate this to you. Savor the lines and the in betweens.

Whenever I think of you 

I feel closest to eternity,

I exist and you exist

That’s all that matters,

My life and your life

Merge and melt into one

Return to where they began,

All our differences disappear, 

For us everything is perfectly defined,

There’s no battle of the sexes,

There’s faith and devotion, passion and freedom,

All the facets of human beings in union,

I have faith in the way we live 

As readily as I have faith in nature

So I can look down on the ‘world’

And triumph over all its stupidities

We have risen far above it all,

I feel my pain as your pain,

My pleasure as your pleasure,

I trust you as much as I trust myself,

I see my own growth in your growth,

However fast I travel, I will never leave you behind, 

I am filled with energy

And you are glowing with youth,

You are a burning flame,

You make me feel younger

And you can always surprise me,

You are a solid rock of reality,

Your kisses moisten me,

Your embraces nourish me,

Your cool limbs

Your curvaceous body

Your glowing skin

The power of life coursing through you

This is all I need for an idyllic life, 

You trust me,

You live in me

And this makes you who you are,

We cherish life,

We’re always restless 

Pushing onwards as far as we can go 

Growing

Spreading

Deepening - 

Such radiance, such happiness

A Healing Prayer

Dear Lord, You are the Just judge, Holy and True. You are the Most High God. You give us life. You hold all power in your hands.

You are the Mighty one from God who carries the world, and is ruler over all the earth. You Oh Most Blessed One are the giver of life. In you are only good things. In you is mercy and love. In you is healing of the nations. In you is freedom of worry and freedom of pain.

Lord Almighty, You loved us so much. You were sent from your Father, sent to save us from destruction. We truly can never make it to Heaven without the help of Jesus the Son, who was sent to earth to help us.

You, Lord are full of mercy and grace, please forgive us for our faults. Lord Jesus, in you all healing is performed. You Lord are the miracle worker. In your Spirit, your gift of healing is alive. In you Lord we can put our trust that you can heal us, and protect us from the enemy, and death of our soul.

You, Lord are miracle worker for the sick, and for the lost souls. You, Lord forgive us and save us from condemnation. You cleanse us and make us born again new. You give us a clean heart full of peace. You Lord are the Light.

In You is all truth. Your way Lord is the way to Heavenly Hope. Your hands Lord created the universe. You Lord are the True giver of Life. Every child is a miracle of Life. Life rests in Your Hands.

Wrap us as a close knit family, draw us near to you Lord, and bind us with your Loving Hands. Let us be drawn closer to You. You are the Vine, dear Lord and we are the branches. You carry all knowledge and all power. You Lord are our medicine. Your Words Lord are Truth and Life.

Help us put our trust in You. You Lord are the greatest physician. You heal, You protect, You care, You love, You are kind, You are patient, You are thoughtful, You are strength. You Lord are our Creator.

You know our thoughts, our sighings and our cryings and every hair on our head. You are Wonderful and make all good things for us. Heal us Lord, if it be Your will.

Amen.

The Heart Box: Rikochet

I was a regular Cartoon Network watcher years ago and was fond of iMucha Lucha!. That's the reason I got Rikochet as my code name for you when we're in high school. We were classmates for four solid years. And we were on the same club: CAT Corps of Cadets and Cadettes. I got an eye for you in sophomore year, when we're doing the dummy newspaper project for our English class. However, you and a girl from our class were getting it on, so yeah. Maybe proximity's to be blamed eh?

You broke up and for some reason you sort of diverted your attention towards me- for the remaining years in high school and even the early parts of college, even when I got myself my first boyfriend. I never really understood you and why you did the things you did for me. Or perhaps, I never tried. But seeing the fancy wrapper of the yellow tulip and the Nicholas Sparks book you gave me for Valentines' Day in 2007, the little  sky blue box which housed the silver necklace with a heart-shaped pendant on it that you personally gave me for Christmas 2006, the CD you burned for me with my picture on the case, the numerous letters you wrote for me, the cards, some of it handmade that you've sent me.. Seeing those again while rummaging into the heart box I kept all these years.. as what you've told me, you really had a place in your heart for me.

Back then I wasn't able to grasp what you're relaying. I sucked at pass the message games, even until now. But I guess I can connect the dots, however it's blurry. Though it's many years late, a thank you won't hurt, right?

Thank you, Rikochet. May you live well.

Bring It On!

Found this at a friend's Facebook wall and I thought, "Why not?" This year, I'll surround myself with happier people, (new) wonderful experiences and valuable lessons. If 2012 was a good year for me, I'll make 2013 a better one. I'm claiming it! I can't wait! :-)

Fingers Crossed

For the past days, in my head was a battle between doing a recap post of my 2012 or figuring out this year's set of resolutions. But to no avail, I haven't done anything yet. There were attempts, though, however, all of it always end up deleted cos it just doesn't feel right, maybe. But tonight I've made up my mind.

I'll stick to what I've been praying on hard for two years now: INNER PEACE and  LOVE

Continuous inner peace and love. May I not lose those two whatever I may be thrown with, this year.. and  of course, even the years after. May I not lose my love for life.

So here's to luck and good vibes this 2013! Kampai! :)

To Papa Duck

Years ago when I was in my sophomore year in high school, I first met you at the Science Annex Bldg., II-2 room. You were our English teacher. The one who always asks us to write two-stanza-poems in a one fourth sheet of paper. I remember one time you asked me if you could keep my work and publish it in the next issue of The Republic. I was kind of giddy then, ha! Cos not everyone's given the chance to have their writings published. Come the end of second year, you grouped our section in tens for our last project, a newspaper dummy, complete with articles, photos and lay-out. You pointed me as the group leader. Did you know how proud I  felt then to handle the position? But it was nerve-wracking at the same time cos I got zero experience in newspaper-making, technically-speaking. But still you believed that I can. We named our dummy newspaper, La Gazetta, and fortunately landed on the second place past some ten others. I was very happy.

Come fourth year, after years of asking me to join The Republic as a staffer (and drop being a staffer from Ang Malaya, the Filipino counterpart of The Republic in our school), I took the staffer test which composed of on-the-spot news, feature, editorial and sports writing. And I, again felt very fortunate but a bit hesitant to accept the Editor-in-Chief position. But still you believed in my potential. 

I will forever remember the days I was excused in class cos we needed to attend a press conference somewhere in Nueva Ecija or cos of the dry run for the division press con wherein I opted to join the photojourn category, or cos of our newspaper-making duties in The Republic room in the old English Bldg. I will forever remember the day you helped me practice my craft, the torch fire as my subject, and of course, the day you handed me my I.D., with a big red PRESS printed on it. It felt magical.

Sir Bong, I owe you a lot. I wouldn't know my writing potential exists and maybe I wouldn't even have this blog in the first place, if you didn't push me to write and speak my mind out. More than that, thank you for being a father-figure to me back then. You know, I'll forever be grateful to you. I hope you can access my blog up there so that you can read this. Thank you, Papa Duck and may you rest in peace.

Hitori de

Hitoride means alone in Nihongo. And yes, I'm alone sitting and at times rolling on this queen-sized bed in my room on a Saturday. I was supposed to meet some high school friends for a drink but I stayed in for the night, instead. So yeah, let the movie marathon begin!

One Day (2011)
"Twenty years. Two people."
The story seemed to me like A Lot Like Love wherein two people meet every year for twenty years to sort of catch up, but this one's a bit tragic. In One Day, Dexter and Em meets every July 15th. They just found themselves in love one day, however, Em dies of an accident. I wonder if I could tolerate that kind of friendship thing for twenty years. Maybe.

Pitch Perfect (2012) 
"Get pitch-slapped."
Singers and singers-at-heart might love this movie. It's about Beca, a college freshman and aspiring DJ, joining the all-female a cappella group, Barden Bellas, with some love story on the side courtesy of Jesse, from their rival all-male a cappella group, Barden Treblemakers. Favorite scenes were the riff-off and finals. Of course, I also love how the songs were mashed-up. Not to mention, Beca sang Titanium at the dormitory's communal bathroom!

I would really love to spend my days with someone who can carry a tune and has the same musical inclination as mine.

Tonight You're Mine (2012)
"A single night. A million possibilities. One connection."

Watched this cos of the setting: Coachella. I've always wanted to experience the renowned music festival in Scotland, so I think, watching this film is a good start. It's your typical strangers to lovers story of The Make's Adam and The Dirty Pinks' Morello (blame the handcuffs), with a good soundtrack. Personal favorites are You Instead, Keep Yourself Warm and Dark Energy. And oh, I find Adam charismatic, ha!

I love this scene. I think I'll be happy with someone whom I can sing with.

Ahh I love this scene, too. Adam x Morello.

Missing Innocence

I rummaged my way to my Multiply site, clicking the "Forgot password" tab a couple of times. Good thing I was able to recover my password. Seeing the once familiar faces in my photo albums, feeling the once familiar emotions in my blog entries, I can't help but trace my way back. There's always something in the past that is so tempting, like chocolates hidden beneath your bed.

That first out of town trip with friends. That first school party. That first night sleeping far away from home. That first concert you attended. That first crush. That first emotional breakdown. That first self pity.

Maybe what I'm missing is the innocence that comes with being young. The innocence of the people around me. And my innocence, as well. Often, I think of my innocence as a dandelion puff swaying in the breeze. I am the dandelion, and parts of me are withered as other people's breeze breathe through me.

And I just watch it float and fade away.

Finally

Yesterday, I visited the campus to return a couple of manuscripts my prof lent me for our Physio special problem and to get my class cards as well. I already knew I passed the three subjects I needed for me to graduate but seeing it with my own eyes is another story. All the hardships I have experienced the past semester, as well as those happy ones, and the people who were with me throughout my roller coaster ride  flashed back; it's as if they're alive in my head. 

So, allow me to thank each one of you for everything you have done for me. Keep in mind that I am forever indebted and grateful to you all.

To our Father Almighty, thank You for the gift of wisdom, for the people who You let me rub elbows with, for all the blessings I have received and the difficulties alike.

To my family, for the trust that I can finish what I started, for the never-ending support and love. I wouldn't have come this far if not for you. Thank you Pa, for challenging me enough. Thank you, Ma, for being the mother every child would be grateful to have. To Tita Nalu, for being my second mother and for attending to my needs, isang text o tawag lang. To my grandparents, who would always be happy to see me home. To my one and only brother, for the late night chats at sa pang-iinis mo sa'kin haha. This is for all of you.

To my super blocmates, thank you! ABBCD (Bea, Bessie=Prince, Claire, Danica), thank you for giving me so many escapes whenever sukang suka na ko sa acads! Sa maraming chill moni sessions, heart-to-heart talks, random pig-outs, movie and videoke trips. Ang sayaaaa. More to cooome!

Clingy friends, Nina and Yen. Thank you for being my rant reservoir haha! Pati sa pagsama nung bitaw phase ng buhay ko. Mamimiss ko yung random dinners and trips and everything in between. Good love will find us. Tiwala laaang.

Londormers, lalo na sa mga luka kong roommates, Cherry, Ezra and Ivory, thank you sa pagtitiyaga niyo sa'kin! Sa lahat ng kwento, sa pagsabay kumain, sa pagiging human alarm clocks ko. Haha. Mamimiss ko ang kaingayan at kalukahan natin sa  green room.

UP Cells lineage, Ninong Jordan, Ninang Kim, Inaanaks Bryan and Buley. Thank you sa family dinners at usapang buhay. Ang saya kasi ang close natin kahit ilang milya ang agwat. I wouldn't want any other sponsors and inaanaks bukod sa inyo. Chos! At sana bago ko magpuntang Japan may complete lineage pic na tayo!

My closest Cells friends, thank you for entrusting your thoughts with me. Everytime maalala ko yung pinagdaanan natin, natatawa na lang ako. The flower that blooms in adversity is the most rare and beautiful of all, indeed.

Dr. Dee Maligalig, my major adviser, thank you po sa support at sa lahat ng tulong, acad-related man o hindi. Sa pag-push na ayusin yung mga gawa namin lalo na nung Physio SP days.

Prof. Ruperta Asuncion, nasaan man kayo ngayon, thank you po sa life lessons, kahit na sobrang nabuwang ako kakahanap ng 60 published sources at pagsulat ng 150 notecards for my Eng2 library research paper tungkol sa tattoo. Prof. Vincent Hilomen, thank you po sa pag-inspire sa'kin maging Zoology major. Di ko po makakalimutan nung sinabihan niyo ko na mag- Fine Arts nung nakita niyo yung drawings ko ng rotifer at starfish sa Zoo3 manual. Prof. Grace Banaay, nag-enjoy po ako mag-SA sa inyo. Thank you po sa pagiging patient sa'kin pati po sa pagpapataba niyo sa'kin sa Eco Lab, ang sasarap po ng pagkain! Haha! Thank you sa lahat ng profs at instructors, andami ko pong puyat natutunan chos haha!

Clingy Physio groupmates, yey we survived Physio! Salamat sa pagreply sa GMs ko, for actively doing your parts sa exercises at SP. Mamimiss ko yung kain trip natin tuwing pagkatapos ng lab, mga puyat nights and all. 

Bio 120 labmates, thank you ang saya ng mga puyat nights natin nung skit at model-making. Gumagaan yung mga mahihirap na trabaho, andami natin laging tawa kahit na karamihan sa inyo eh na-meet ko lang talaga dahil sa Bio 120. Salamat sa mga libreng pagkain haha! Thank you din kay Prof. Mia Azanes, sorry po naiyak ako nung cnongratulate niyo ko sa pag-graduate ko haha!

To my second families, UP Gawad Kalinga-Los Banos and UP Cell Biological Society. Sa fun company, pati sa pag-intindi sa hindi ko pagiging visible last sem pero just the same, welcome pa rin ako every time. Thank youuu.

At sa ibang nakalimutan ko, thank youuuu! Ang saya ng last sem ko sa UPLB because of you all! I wouldn't be where I am now, kung di niyo ko pinagtyagaan. :) Legit na ang pag-post ko nitong grad photos! :)

Sablay 

Toga

Casual

Creative HAHAHA

The Limit of A

Last week was the hell-est of my hell weeks since I first set foot in this university. I got exams every single day of the week, scientific and reaction papers to be written, not to mention the lab class project of a cell model with protein sorting to do. My planner was a mess, full of deadlines to take note of. Being my very optimist normal self, I am still okay with all these. Until Thursday came.

With only an hour of sleep because I did two papers for my Cell Biology subject, I decided to have my brunch at Il Tazze, a quaint coffee shop in the confines of the campus and spend the remaining hours reviewing there until my Animal Physiology exam. After giving my orders at the bar, I opted for an outdoor seat for fresh air. Handouts in hand, I felt the pang of pressure of not being able to finish reviewing since it's already thirty minutes past ten in the morning and my exam is scheduled at exactly one o'clock in the afternoon. And since I am very good at delaying reviews, I started adding up my raw scores from exams and quizzes in another subject (since my professor uses a point accumulation system). It dawned on me that I cannot reach the cut-off for the finals exemption with the scores I gained throughout the semester. My spirits very low, I messaged Mama on Facebook. My message said:

"Ma, di ko alam kung ipapasa ko lahat ngayong sem. Ewan ko na."

Then I broke down. Maybe because I am so disappointed with myself, hurt, mad, name it. I am feeling everything. It's as if all of my life's frustrations consolidated into an atomic bomb and I am Hiroshima. What made this breakdown more challenging was that I can do it, however, discreetly. I am at a public place for heaven's sake and people are staring. So I hurriedly packed my things and went to the nearest comfort room. Thank goodness, no one is in. The comfort room is really a comfort room, this time.

It was 2007 that I entered University of the Philippines as a new freshman, which makes me one of those  "delayed" or "extended" students within the context of graduation. Ideally, I must have graduated one and a half years ago, probably with a job inclined with research now. That was part of the plan, I tell you. However, not all plans work out, so yeah, you know the drill.

Fast forward to Friday, I learned that I got exempted for the finals for the subject I was computing my raw scores for the past day. Then and there, realizations came rushing in. First, miracles happen when you least expect it. Second, like a rubber band, I am a person with limits. If I think I am way too stretched, I can always retreat to my original shape and rest. And third, I can repose but I must never quit.

With high hopes, unwavering faith and these things in mind, I know I can get what I want. I can and will graduate this semester. I'm claiming it.

Taking Shelter

When I am feeling at my lowest, retail therapy always, always does the trick. These past few weeks were tough for me that when I was asked by a close friend to join her in this fun shoot thing she and her photog friend is planning, I counted myself in. Oh the thrill of doing something not acad-related! Thanks, Nina and Kuya DR for this wonderful experience! :-)

My version of a line from Ricky Lee's novel Amapola sa 65 na Kabanata which goes something like:
"Tinalikuran ko siya. Sa dalas ng pagtalikod ko sa kanya puro likod na ata ako."

The look: Forever 21 lace fit and flare dress, Figlia brown strappy heels, vintage owl necklace from Pop Culture

Awkward poses. But I love these cos I look so happy. :)

Veranda Shot #1

Veranda Shot # 2

Veranda Shot # 3
(Made this as my Facebook display picture! Mehehe! :3)

Veranda Shot # 4

Veranda Shot # 5

Included this here cos I love the lace and tattoo combi. :)

They say when a door closes, a window opens. Maybe this is the window they are talking about. Maybe this window was really what I needed then to breathe in fresh air and shake of the negative vibes in my system. Maybe all I needed was a little break from the familiar and take shelter in my anything-I-am-not bubble even for just a brief while.

And now I am back. Scarred, yes, but not scared.