Monday, October 15, 2012

The Limit of A

Last week was the hell-est of my hell weeks since I first set foot in this university. I got exams every single day of the week, scientific and reaction papers to be written, not to mention the lab class project of a cell model with protein sorting to do. My planner was a mess, full of deadlines to take note of. Being my very optimist normal self, I am still okay with all these. Until Thursday came.

With only an hour of sleep because I did two papers for my Cell Biology subject, I decided to have my brunch at Il Tazze, a quaint coffee shop in the confines of the campus and spend the remaining hours reviewing there until my Animal Physiology exam. After giving my orders at the bar, I opted for an outdoor seat for fresh air. Handouts in hand, I felt the pang of pressure of not being able to finish reviewing since it's already thirty minutes past ten in the morning and my exam is scheduled at exactly one o'clock in the afternoon. And since I am very good at delaying reviews, I started adding up my raw scores from exams and quizzes in another subject (since my professor uses a point accumulation system). It dawned on me that I cannot reach the cut-off for the finals exemption with the scores I gained throughout the semester. My spirits very low, I messaged Mama on Facebook. My message said:

"Ma, di ko alam kung ipapasa ko lahat ngayong sem. Ewan ko na."

Then I broke down. Maybe because I am so disappointed with myself, hurt, mad, name it. I am feeling everything. It's as if all of my life's frustrations consolidated into an atomic bomb and I am Hiroshima. What made this breakdown more challenging was that I can do it, however, discreetly. I am at a public place for heaven's sake and people are staring. So I hurriedly packed my things and went to the nearest comfort room. Thank goodness, no one is in. The comfort room is really a comfort room, this time.

It was 2007 that I entered University of the Philippines as a new freshman, which makes me one of those  "delayed" or "extended" students within the context of graduation. Ideally, I must have graduated one and a half years ago, probably with a job inclined with research now. That was part of the plan, I tell you. However, not all plans work out, so yeah, you know the drill.

Fast forward to Friday, I learned that I got exempted for the finals for the subject I was computing my raw scores for the past day. Then and there, realizations came rushing in. First, miracles happen when you least expect it. Second, like a rubber band, I am a person with limits. If I think I am way too stretched, I can always retreat to my original shape and rest. And third, I can repose but I must never quit.

With high hopes, unwavering faith and these things in mind, I know I can get what I want. I can and will graduate this semester. I'm claiming it.