Tuesday, May 15, 2018

MIND-FART#20: No Love, Just Med School Regrets

I thought I've already forgotten. Guess I'm not over it yet. 

The last time I talked about it with my Mama was when I got here in Tokyo five years ago. Geez, that was five years already? Time flies swiftly.

Back in university, I was under a pre-medicine program (though any four year course can be a pre-med one but you know, I'm talking about the closely-related ones), Biology. I majored in Zoology, which is the closest thing I can major in (see UPLB Biology) if I'm planning to enter med school after. I didn't take language electives and took more units (BOT142-Economic Botany and ZOO191-Special Topics: Animals in Biomedical Research) in preparation for med school. I even took the grueling National Medical Admission Test/ NMAT, a nationwide examination that one needs to take if he/she wants to enter any medical school in the Philippines. I had a pretty okay score, which would allow me to enter some schools... if only I pushed through with it. I didn't. 

I left for Tokyo. Not because I wanted to but because I needed to. There was this citizenship change (which I'm thankful for, now). There was also this thinking that I had to stop being a burden to my Mama (hahahaha) and work. Back then, I thought I could just look for a med school here, study, and do part-time work. That would've worked out if I only had millions of money in my bank account and if I had great Japanese language skills. I had neither. I still have neither even now lol.

So I pretty much let it go and settled for a job that would feed my family, instead. For someone who is bad at Japanese, working as an English teacher is an easier choice (for me, compared to some other ones). So I traversed that path. I am still in that path. To be fair, I think teaching has grown into me. I enjoy it. It's a tiring yet very fulfilling profession. But it's okay. I'm doing okay with it. I studied some teaching stuff and got myself a teaching diploma. I even wanted to put up my own school at one point.

Not until I came across with a sponsored ad on Facebook about an international medical school orientation in Tokyo, which I later saw on Instagram. And here I am now, thinking, is it a sign?

Should I go? It's just an orientation anyway. Should I try it? Will it just be a waste of time? For days since seeing that ad, these are the things occupying my mind. Not to mention the disadvantages I'd have if I ever I feel crazy enough to push through with med school at 26 years old. I know age is just a number but you see, my mind is not as sharp as before (as if it was even sharp to begin with hahahaha). And lots of other mountain-like doubts.

So what's the point of this post?

I don't know either.